Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Lasting Memories


I made this layout for a progessive scrap at the Studio. I started it before my husband's death. I really do hope he knew these past 17 years just how much I loved him. As you can see from this photo and the one I posted the other day my husband looked like he aged at least 20 years. The last day he even ate a bite of solid food was on Thanksgiving. The liver cancer made eating something he could no longer do. I am glad he could enjoy this last outing out with the family.

Paris New York Blog Train

I didn't join the blog train this go round but here is the list of stops to pick up all your goodies.
Looks like we have some new designers join us this time too.










Friday, December 12, 2014

Monte

My darling husband lost his fight with cancer Wednesday night. He did it on his terms. Monte was adamit that he would not die at home and he did not. Wednesday morning was a repeat of Tuesday morning where he was in quite a lot of pain and was restless. He could still walk although he had to hold on to either Michelle, his daughter or I to walk down the hall to either our bedroom or to the bathroom. He said a few times that he couldn't keep doing this and he needed out of our house and into the hospital. We thought he just needed better pain medication that he could get in the hospital. It took all afternoon but finally we got the all clear to take him to a hospital that had an available hospice bed. We ended up calling the police department to get help to get him out of the house and into Michelle's car. Monte stayed alert for the 45 minute trip to the hospital and it took just as much effort to him out of her car as it did to get him in. Michelle and I thought Monte would be admitted and I would bring our son, Nick up to see Daddy the next day as it would probably take a while to get him settled into a room. Michelle called me a few times with some updates. At this point they had only been there about 20 minutes. Then she called me and said hurry up and come I don't think he is going to make it. I didn't get a chance to do anything before she called back and said she thought he would be gone before I could get there so she wanted me to say goodbye right then. Both Nick and I told him how much we loved him and hung up. After getting held up by a train for 20 minutes plus the journey time Nick and I arrived at the hospital but it was too late. He died less then a minute after we said our goodbyes.

I know my husband did not want our 8 year old son to see him die but I never dreamed he would leave without me by his side. I know he is no longer in pain and he is in a far better place I just wish his dying didn't break my heart so much. I know I will go on and lead my life because I have to as we have a child. I just didn't have enough time with him. March 1st would have been our 5th wedding anniversary and March 17th would have been the 17th anniversary of our first official date but I wanted more time. We as a couple just clicked. No fighting, just time spent apart due to his job as a truck driver. I couldn't have asked for a better husband. Yes, I missed him being gone from home so much but he was providing for our family. He stepped up when I could no longer work and he would cook and clean even after being exhausted from his job. When I would try to do something he would tell me no he would do it. It was because he cared enough to do my chores too. I am going to miss his smile, his sense of humor, his hugs and kisses and most of all just him being here.

My Prince Charming
June 13, 1950 to December 10, 2014
Forever in my heart
I love you!

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Personal Musing

My husband has had more visitors in this past several days then we have had in years as we tend to be homebodies and rarely go out except for our little family unit of three or when we go to Indiana to visit his adult kids. While it has been nice to see his extended family it has been hard on him to because it just saps his energy.

We were told no IV fluids as it might cause congestive heart failure at this point and we do not want that. So he will just continue to do the best he can by drinking the protein shakes and water. He hasn't been able to eat food in weeks due to the liver enzymes changing that taste of food so badly that the gag reflex kicks in and he can't force it down.

Every day his pain level increases and he takes more and more pain medication. He is a man who hates to take medication so that alone has been hard on him. The more pain medication he gets the more he sleeps. I don't really know if at this stage that is good or bad.


I had planned on us getting another family photo taken this month but unless a family member takes it, it will not happen. This one was taken right after he finished his first round of chemo this summer and he made the comment the day before the photo shoot luckily I haven't lost my hair yet and I said have you looked in the mirror? He responded no why? I told him he was shedding worse then a sheep dog and the morning of the photo shoot he went and got his head shaved.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

New Releases From Double Trouble Scraps

The holidays are a wonderful time of year & the new template sets, O Christmas Tree Vol 1 and 2 from DoubleTrouble Scraps can help you get those memories scrapped fast. Each set has 4 tree themed templates, Vol 1 is a bit more traditional while Vol 2 is modern & funky. As always, the templates are provided in TIF, PSD, PAGE & PNG formats; each set is just $1.00 through December 7th! Here's a closer look at O Christmas Tree Vol 1, please note this was previously released at Stuff to Scrap so check your stash before you buy!
And here's a closer look at O Christmas Tree Vol 1, love the funky vibe!
Do you always plan to get a calendar done for Christmas gifts but never remember? Or does someone else beat you to making a full calendar? Then the 2015 Calendar templates are a great solution to getting a calendar done fast. Designed to be printed out on an 8.5x11 sheet of paper & containing 12 photo spots on each template, these calendars come together in a snap (templates are provided in TIF, PSD, PAGE & PNG formats). Print them out on your printer or send them off to a local officer supply store for printing. You can even print these on magnet photo paper to hang them on the fridge. Snag the set for just $1.00 through December 7th & get those holidays gifts done in a snap!


I will be back to post my layouts from O Christmas Tree Vol 2.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Personal Musings

Personal update.

Right now our world has been turned upside down. My husband has terminal cancer and while we were told 9 to 12 months intially the cancer doctor was optimistic that since things were going so well over the summer with his chemo that he might live past 12 months. Not so. We just passed the six month mark and all of a sudden my husband took a turn for the worse and we are now just waiting for GOD to call him home. It might be a week or it could be a month it all depends on how quickily his liver shuts down. Hospice has been called and they will be at our house later on today to finalize all the paperwork. In the next couple of days I have to convert my living room into a hospital room which means a lot of changes as we have a small house.

Since he came home last night he has been sick, bouts of diarrhea and his heart has raced so quickly he wanted to die from the pain. I have had to call the cancer hospital twice and speak to staff on the ward he was on since he isn't under hospice care yet. The first time the nurse told me aren't you glad I gave you the number and told you to call me if anything came up. Cheeky monkey but he was right and very helpful. Brandon told me exactly what I needed to give him out of our stash of surplus and OTC medication. Then later when the pain and heart racing episode came on I called again because I didn't know if I should take him to the ER or just give him something from our stash of surplus mediacations. Barry who was Monday nights nurse asked what I had and I told him and he was kind enough to tell me what dosage to give him. Once hospice comes on then all my calls will be directed to them and they will only make him comfortable with maintenance medication, a hospital bed, IV fluids as he is so bloated he can't eat or drink the normal way and when the time comes he will be transferred to a hospital setting for his last few days. 

So I will post when life lets me.